I give in, there is no cure
I can’t resist your sweet allure
Without you I’m incomplete
Though our love is bittersweet
Here’s a live performance of my ode to chocolate “Tango de Cacao”:
How much do I love chocolate? If you have to ask…
Show the world just how much YOU love chocolate (tees, hats, etc.) >>
(Remember you saw it here first: an Eva Moon original design)
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As if women didn’t have enough things to feel insecure about. Now you can get cosmetic surgery for your g-spot. Be still, my heart.
Would you let this man near your girlybits with a bigass needle? According to this article in the SF Chronicle getting your G-spot pumped up with collagen injections is the latest enhancement for your sad, pathetic body. This is from a doctor (Dr. Spot!) who’s made a career of giving women designa vaginas “to enhance your genital image!”
Oh yeah. Strangers stop me on the street to comment on my unsightly labia. And don’t get me started on the cruel playground taunts I endured over the size of my g-spot. It’s affecting my self-esteem!
Hey, Doc, step away from the bits and no one gets hurt.
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Most people I know hate spoilers. They get really bent out of shape if you let it slip that, say, Bruce Willis was a dead guy. But illusions are immune. They go right to the total denial lobe of the brain, like a stubborn child who insists he wasn’t sneaking a cookie no matter how many times you point out that he is standing right there with a hand in the cookie jar and crumbs on his face.
I’m sure you’ve seen all the usual Optical Illusions, but I thought these were unusual enough to warrant a post:
1. What are you looking at? Are you SURE? Look closely. Now, back up about eight paces and look again. Told ya.
2. Your eyes will keep on lying. I swear, it doesn’t make any difference how many times I test this image in Photoshop, my brain will not concede that squares A and B are the same color:
3. Name that tune. Listen to this. What’s the song? Now listen to this. Now go back to the first one and listen again. Here’s another one (you need stereo headphones for this one: Listen. Which tone is higher? How about this one? You’ll probably clearly hear one tone higher or lower, but your friend may hear the opposite. You’re both wrong.
4. Is it moving? This site has a very interesting collection of motion illusions along with explanations. Don’t miss the “Two-Stroke Motion” illusion at the bottom of the list.
Popularity: 8% [?]
Back to the gutter today!
This study reports that when men look at pictures of couples having sex, they look first at the eyes or faces of the women before straying south while women’s eyes went straight for the goods. Surprised? You shouldn’t be. And here’s why.
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I’ve learned a lot about doing business with Internet companies from a lot of different sources over the years, but none as surprising as this very useful advice to a medieval teenage bride written in 1393. I have made ALL these mistakes.
It’s a modern translation of a manuscript written for a fifteen-year-old bride about household help, but don’t let that make you think it’s out of date. Here is some of the advice, verbatim:
“. . . Always bargain with them before they start the work, so there won’t be any argument afterward. What usually happens, though, is that they don’t want to bargain but are ready to forge ahead with the job without coming to an agreement. They say so sweetly: “Sir, it is nothing, it is not necessary; you will pay me well, and I will be satisfied with whatever you decide.” When the job is done they will say: “Sir, there was more work than I thought. There was this and that to do, and a lot of running around.” And they will not agree to the payment and will shout ugly and mean words. Therefore do not put them to work, or let anyone else put them to work, without bargaining first. . . It is better to dicker with them evenly and plainly beforehand to avoid any dispute.
“. . . Have inquiries made about how those you want to employ conduct and have conducted themselves toward others. Also, have nothing to do with people who talk back or are arrogant, haughty, mocking or insolent — no matter what benefit or advantage you see in them or how good a bargain they would make with you. Send them away from you and your work graciously and calmly. For if they begin you will not escape without slander or strife. Because of this, have . . . helpers who are peaceful and good natured, and pay them more.
“. . . and do the accounts and pay often, without allowing long credit to build up either by tally or on paper. Although tally or account books are better than always relying on memory, for the creditors always imagine more and the debtors less, and from this are born disputes, grudges and foul reproaches. Have your good creditors paid willingly and often what they are owed, and be kind to them so they don’t change toward you, for it is not always possible to get truly peaceable people again.
“. . . Be aware of those . . . who are out of work, there are many who come forward, present themselves, and urgently seek [employment]. Don’t take any of these without first knowing where they lived before [and] about their character — how long they were there, what work they did and know how to do. . . through their past work you will find out what confidence or trust you may have in their future work.”
Really good advice never goes out of date.
In case you’re interested, the book is: “A Medieval Home Companion: Housekeeping in the Fourteenth Century.” Translated and edited by Tania Bayard.
U.S. Library of Congress ISSN: 1530-311X.
Popularity: 5% [?]
One of the things I’ve always liked about living in Redmond is that I can step out my door, walk a couple of blocks and be here:
I can’t tell you how many walks I’ve taken here over the past eleven years. Hundreds?
Here’s another pic from this winter. I ran into Redmond City Councilwoman Kim Allen on this walk. We did not talk about the future of these beautiful woods. Perhaps we should have.
Here it is today:
I feel sad about the loss, but also a little fatalistic. It wasn’t that many years ago that our neighbors down the street watched in horror as forest was cleared to make room for the house I live in. Where do you stop? How long do we let the bulldozers chew up the forests? Who gets to decide?
My friend, Bob Yoder has been trying for several years to stop this excavation and his efforts came to nothing. Was it because I acted too late?
Parting shot: here’s another Redmond resident I met on the way back home. His world just shrank.
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CATEGORY: NOSTALGIC
An odd combination of youthful memories and early Woody Allen
CATEGORY: CLASSIC
Perhaps the best commercial. Ever.
Silver: Priceless!
CATEGORY: AHHAHAHOW!!! OH GOD!!!
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When I was growing up I never thought I particularly wanted kids, but sometime in my mid-20s some hormone tap got jostled to the “on” position and suddenly I didn’t just want children, I needed them. They looked so cute on all my friends. I just HAD to get some of my own. But what they don’t tell you is, once you have them, there ain’t nothing you can do about it.
Kids are like the last five pounds of your diet. Oh, you can try to lose them. Lord knows I did. But let your guard down for one minute… and BOOM. They’re back. It’s going to be a long summer.
See a video of my song “Boomerang Boy” from our show Saturday night:
(Eric and Alan: Thanks for being good sports!)
UPDATE: The cure for the boomerang kid!
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One night about twenty years ago, I awoke from a doze on the sofa to catch the last half of an odd film on TV. It was a long Rube-Goldbergesque chain reaction: fire, gravity, chemistry and assorted debris interacting in precarious procession. No sound track, no special effects, no character development - no characters. It was riveting. But alas, it ended and I never found out what it was called. Never saw it again. I described it for friends, but none of them had seen it. Years later, I searched the internet for it but without enough to go on, came up blank.
Then serendipity struck when Honda released its now-famous ad chain reaction ad. Lo and behold! The description of the ad mentioned the older film as the inspiration. At last! From there it was just a few clicks to possession of my very own copy of “The Way Things Go” which has captivated friends and family as much today as it did me two decades ago.
Here is the Honda ad:
And a clip from The Way Things Go:
And now, since it IS the Internet after all, the spoof (from 118 118 - that’s directory assistance in the UK):
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