L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Most Unwanted

January 19, 2008 on 5:33 pm | In General Musing, Music |

The vox populi has opened its bloody vox and removed all doubt that the dismal state of popular music today is not a result of some cabal of evil Clear Channel suits, but is, in fact, a true reflection of their actual desires.

In the spring of 2006, some 500 populi completed a survey on their musical tastes. Dave Solder and Nina Mankin used the survey results to write music and lyrics for the Most Wanted and Most Unwanted songs.

Now I’m not saying the Most Unwanted Song is good. It’s actually dreadful. But it’s about a kazillion times more interesting than the Most Wanted Song, which has not a single memorable feature. From the opening kengee* to the four full manilows* at the coda, from the synth tom pan to the tinkly fake windchimes at the fade, it’s pure, unredeemed pap. Go ahead and have a listen. Tell me you disagree. If you can stay awake long enough to click the comment button.

I’m probably not qualified to judge the Most Unwanted Song, since I am guilty of using many of the Most Unwanted Elements: Accordion, bagpipes, flute, organ AND tuba. No wonder pop stardom has eluded me. But there is something hypnotically fascinating about it - always an unexpected surprise around the corner. Such as atonal operatic soprano rap. You know it’s wrong. But you can’t turn away.

*Kengee - The indistinguishable melody-free soprano sax solos that I believe you can purchase by the yard at Solos ‘n Things. These all-purpose tracks will instantly turn any song into elevator music. Opera? AC/DC? Doesn’t matter. Just slap this puppy on and you’re done. Going up?

*Manilow - Cheap Songwriter Trick #1: Is your song getting boring? Modulate up one full step. Why waste endless hours actually composing interesting music? Listen for these less common variations: The trickier half-manilow and occasionally, if you pay attention, a double- or even a triple-manilow or the much rarer reverse-manilow.

See more like that one:

• Folklife 2008
• The Point of the Needle
• Songs of My Enemies
• Anything Else But This
• Hold on a minute, Seattle