L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Trail Mixed

August 14, 2008 on 6:07 pm | In Food, General Musing |

Once a year I hike to the top of Mt. Si. Mt. Si towers over the Washington town of North Bend (location of the cult TV series Twin Peaks) and since it’s only 45 minutes from Seattle it’s one of the most popular hikes in the country. The trail rises 3,200 feet over 4 miles. For me, it’s my annual excuse to eat trail mix, or GORP as we used to call it. GORP is an acronym for “Granola, Oats, Raisins and Peanuts” which is pretty stupid, since the oats are in the granola, but I guess it needed a vowel. Of course, nowadays there are so many different combinations of goodies, mere GORP seems quaint and puny. Looking at trail mix rack, I wondered, how does one choose? And that got me to thinking: What if you could have custom trail mixes suited, not just to a particular hike, but to different stages of each hike? Much like a sommalier might recommend a different wine for each course of a gourmet meal, your snackier could whip up just the right combination to suit your trek.

Therefore, I present to you our day hike with appropriate trail mix suggestions.

MILE ONE: We arrive at the trailhead, fresh and ready to tackle the mountain. We sling on day packs, check water supplies, tighten bootlaces and we’re off.

TRAIL MIX RECOMMENDATION: GORP - Granola, Oats, Raisins, Peanuts. Good old GORP is the perfect accompaniment to the first mile of the hike. Say it out loud: GORP. It’s a happy, friendly sound, reminiscent of the sound your boots make tramping across the gravel pathway at the start of the trail. GORP GORP GORP GORP.

MILE TWO: Still going strong, but it’s getting hot and there’s no breeze. We’re all sweating profusely, but gamely forging on to the interpretive signs that will mark our first stop.

TRAIL MIX RECOMMENDATION: CRAP - Chocolate chips, Raisins, Almonds, Peanuts. Mere GORP simply won’t do the job any more. What’s the deal with all that cereal anyway? It’s time for something more substantial: two kinds of nuts and chocolate will shore up flagging energy and make a fine complement to the increased exertion.

MILE THREE: I don’t know how it happened - it’s only been a year since we were last here - but they’ve raised the mountain! Mile three goes on for at least four or five miles and what used to be a manageable 15-20% grade has become nearly vertical. Judging by the rivers of sweat soaking our clothes, they’ve also apparently moved the entire mountain to Equatorial Guinea.

TRAIL MIX RECOMMENDATION: HELPMEGOD - Hazelnuts, Edamame, Loganberries, Pretzels, M&Ms, Exedrin, Granola, Oats, Dates. Time to kick it up a notch, don’t you think?

MILE FOUR: Starting to come out of the cover of trees. The sun is a relentless orb of burning torture. The summit recedes into the shimmering distance. I always thought it would be cold in the stratosphere, but it’s not. Oh God, it’s not. Legs begin to liquefy. Will it never end?

TRAIL MIX RECOMMENDATION: KILLMENOW - Kalhua, Ibuprofin, Loganberries, LSD, M&Ms, Ecstasy, Nuts, OxyContin, Wild Turkey. Ice. Somehow I must find ice.

SUMMIT: Four miles of switchbacks bring us to the summit of Mt. Si. The last batch of trail mix is just kicking in. There’s a lovely breeze up here and the view is spectacular. Mt. Rainier is majestic as hell and downtown Seattle looks tiny and remote. The top of the Space Needle looks like a floating tic tac. What was I so upset about? It’s beautiful! We ramble about the summit a bit and rest for awhile. After some time, we rouse from our stupor and start to think how nice it will be to get home and have a shower. Then the realization hits: Four miles up = four miles down.

TRAIL MIX RECOMMENDATION: AAARRRGGH!!! - Almonds, Absinthe, Amphetamines, Raisins, Red Hots, Red Bull, Granola, Ganja, Halcyon. That’s better.

UPDATE: It wasn’t just my heat weeny-ness. The temp was a record-breaking 90º (two degrees hotter than the previous record). I can hear all you Florida types snorting, but I challenge you to find so much as a hill to climb. When I visit Florida, I pretend freeway overpasses are hills. Just for laughs.

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