L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Eight Crazy Latkes

December 15, 2008 on 12:20 pm | | In Food, General Musing

Latkes are made from potatoes. Potatoes. Let me say it again, in case you missed it: Po. Tay. Toes. It’s a tradition! Without it, I’d feel as shaky as… as…

Then I saw this. Eight different latke recipes. One for each day of Hanukkah. Potato, of course. Salmon. Zucchini. Banana. Creamy Lemon. Chocolate. Pumpkin…

At first it was shocking but then, suddenly the world shifted. I was floating free in a universe of limitless possibility - far, far beyond mere creamy lemon. Zucchini? Puh-leez! Banana? Pfft! If you’re going to throw tradition to the winds, why be a plodding pedestrian? Why be a mere muggle?

Note: The recipes for some of these are still under wraps in the Eva Moon test kitchens.

Eva’s Eight Nights of Latkes

First night: Bacon Latkes. You know you want them. You can smell the sacrilege already, can’t you? Go ahead. Piss off the old folks. In fact, why not serve bacon, ham and shrimp latkes for a traif trifecta?

Second night: Valium Latkes. The holidays are a stressful time. Are the kids are overexcited and underfoot? Driving you nuts? Relax! You’ll want to gauge the dosage carefully, but with practice you can knock the little buggers out for as long as you want: long enough for a hot bath or a weekend getaway. It’s your choice.

Third night: Candy Corn Latkes. To mark the official end of autumn, dig out that half bag of leftover Halloween candy corn you squirreled away in the cupboard behind the oatmeal and stir it in. Fry as usual. Let cool unless you like blisters.

Fourth night: Altoid Latkes. Curiously strong.

Fifth night: Jello Shot Latkes. Without our traditions, life would be as shaky as…

Sixth night: White Widow Latkes. If you had to google it, you can’t have one. Well, OK, maybe one. The first one’s free. After that I’ll have to charge you.

Seventh night: Viagra Latkes. Makes a firmer latke. Warning: Too many may cause blindness. For Hanukkah candles that burn longer than four hours, contact your rabbi.

Eighth night: Potato Latkes. Sorry. In any universe these are required eating. Here’s how traditional potato latkes are made (and no, I don’t care how your grandma used to make them): Approximate proportions: 2 potatoes, grated, 1/2 onion, grated, 1 egg, 1 handful of flour, salt, pepper. You only want enough egg and flour to keep it from being hash browns. Heat plenty of oil in a cast iron skillet and drop big spoonfuls of the stuff into the sizzling oil. Brown well on both sides, blot on paper towels. Serve with sour cream. Applesauce is OK if people are whining for it. We never actually manage to get them out of the kitchen. Everyone burns their fingers. It’s a tradition.

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