L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Workout Smackdown

May 24, 2009 on 9:20 pm | | In General Musing, Music

Dear Shawn,

You’ve been my personal trainer for a long time. It hasn’t always been easy to live up to your high expectations, but I think I’ve been game. Being dressed before noon twice a week is a testament to my commitment. But Saturday, I think we really reached a new standard in high-impact workouts. My right wrist will be in a rigid cast for possibly six weeks. It’s really sad when healthy living comes back to haunt you.

Just wanted to say thanks!

I’m going to share the lyrics of the song I wrote about you. Maybe someday… when I can play the piano again, I’ll record it.

Workout Smackdown

The workout smackdown of the century: My personal trainer was up against me
In this corner, my trainer: Demona Demise. Her challenger: me, Éclair Sugarthighs
At the sound of the bell, Demona attacks. Give me five sets of jumping jacks
Then she orders 200 crunches. I’d rather order 200 lunches.

You can train me, you can drain me, you can even ball and chain me
But I will never, ever learn…         to love the burn.

Demona looks strong coming out of the gate, with an evil grin she gets out the weights
I give it a try. Too heavy by far. Then she puts weights on the bar
My legs are like jelly, arms are like lead. I say to myself, “Éclair, use your head.”
Pumping iron is way too much toil. I’d rather pump… tin foil

You can drill me, uphill me, you can even try and kill me
But I will never, ever learn…         to love the burn.

The final round. It’s do or die. Demona looks fresh, I’m totally fried
“Interval training,” she suddenly blares. To me, that’s a nap between two flights of stairs.
Got me some moves even though I’m a rookie. I strike back with chocolate chip cookies
“Damn you!” she cries, knowing she’s beaten: Demona Demise… goes down eating

You can work me, you can irk me, you can even clean and jerk me
You can make me, you can break me, you can even shake and bake
(You can pound me, you can hound me, you can even kick around me)
But I will never, ever learn…         to love the burn.

For the record: After the incident, I finished the workout.

And also for the record, Shawn is a terrific trainer and I’d recommend her to anyone. Just don’t let her make you chase a tennis ball on pavement until you’re sure there are no hidden mud slicks. She says she owes me as many pushups as I want to see her do. Hmm… Check out her site.

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