L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Aaaahhhhhh

We interrupt our normal stream of snark to bring you a big contented sigh.

If there’s a better way to start the day than hot coffee, fresh pineapple and swimming with giant sea turtles, I’d like to know what it is!

Here’s a taste of days 2 and 3 of 7 (day 1 is here):

Burglar Redux and Beyond

It happened again! And just two days after snoozing through the invasion of the trash collectors.

Why is it that a bird chirping outside my window at 4 am can roust me irreconcilably from slumberland, but large humans tromping about the house at 1 am can’t drag me from sleep’s iron grip?

This time it was my sister and her husband and they were expected. They were passing through Seattle on their way home from their coincidental Hawaiian vacation and wanted to crash here for a day or two. I didn’t know they meant it so literally. I gave them a key since they had a late arriving flight and was not surprised when I woke Sunday morning that I hadn’t heard them arrive. After all, when one let’s oneself into someone’s house in the wee smalls, one usually tip toes about and speaks in hushed tones. If at all.

Except.

My sister thought we had left on our vacation Saturday morning and here it was very early Sunday. They turned on lights, chattered, did laundry, traipsed around the house. Naked.

I may make a lousy princess when it comes to sleep sensibilities, but once again I am both disturbed and relieved that I missed all the fun.

Now that I am actually on vacation, I can rest assured that the security of my home is no worse with me not in the house than with me in it.

Mashup

The highlight of Ananda Mela – a festival of Indian culture going on this weekend in Redmond, WA (http://anandamela.org) – was a performance by the Indian/Irish/Techno fusion band Delhi 2 Dublin from Vancouver, BC. They’ll be playing again Sunday night, June 27, so hurry over! I could try to describe the music, but why bother when I have video?

So Latha, here’s your blog post!

The Trash Burglars

My friend, Irene fretted about it all day.

I’d asked her to look in on our cats and house while we were away on vacation. She’d meant to come Wednesday, but wasn’t feeling well. Then Thursday got away from her. Finally her friend, Steve, couldn’t stand the pacing any more. “Irene, let’s just go over there tonight after I get back from the gym and we’ll take care of everything.”

“That was fine with me,” she told me later (imagine all this in a charming Ukrainian accent). “I am a night person, so I don’t care if it’s late.”

So that is how they ended up letting themselves into our house at 1:00 am this morning.

Not realizing that we’re going on vacation NEXT week.

While we slumbered on, oblivious, they turned on lights, changed the cats’ water and litter, chatted, poked at my piano and generally wandered about the place. Steve volunteered to vacuum. Irene nixed that. Thankfully.

Then they decided to take out the trash for us. Steve pulled the garbage bag out of the kitchen and Irene went upstairs to collect trash from the rest of the house. In a true life Goldilocks moment she approached our bedroom and realized someone had been sleeping in that bed… AND THEY WERE STILL THERE. Or as she put it “I saw the body.”

She ran downstairs in a panic. “Steve!” she whispered frantically, “They’re IN THE HOUSE!” Both totally freaked out, running around, desperately trying to turn off lights and remember what they might have moved. In the end lights were left on and they bolted, imagining how it would look if our neighbors were up to see two people furtively fleeing our house, one of them carrying a big sack.

The burglars got away with the loot, hyperventilating but undetected.

I can’t believe we slept through it. I’m really glad we did. Though explaining it all to the police would have made such amusing amusing chapter two.

Thursday Joke of the Week

Fishing

At a Senior Citizen’s luncheon, an elderly gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation and discovered that they both loved to fish. Since both of them were widowed, they decided to go fishing together the next day.

The gentleman picked the lady up, and they headed to the river to his fishing boat and started out on their adventure.

They were riding down the river when there was a fork in the river, and the gentleman asked the lady, “Do you want to go up or down?”

All of a sudden the lady stripped off her shirt and pants and made mad passionate love to the man right there in the boat!

When they finished, the man couldn’t believe what had just happened, but he had just experienced the best sex that he’d had in years.

They fished for a while and continued on down the river, when soon they came upon another fork in the river.

He again asked the lady , “Up or down?”

There she went again, stripped off her clothes, and made wild passionate love to him again.

This really impressed the elderly gentleman, so he asked her to go fishing again the next day.

She said yes and there they were the next day, riding in the boat when they came upon the fork in river, and the elderly gentleman asked, “Up or down?”

The woman replied, “Down.”

A little puzzled and disappointed, the gentleman guided the boat down the river when he came upon another fork in the river and he asked the lady, “Up or down ?”

She replied, “Up.”

This really confused the gentleman so he asked, “What’s the deal? Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down you made mad passionate love to me. Now today, nothing!”

She replied, “Well, yesterday I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown.”

Six Channels My Ass

Balkanarama played at Experience Music Project yesterday, in the Sky Church venue (the largest of several live music venues in the complex). We’re making the rounds of the Seattle Center – the Center House, the Space Needle, the Vera Project, Now EMP. We’d better hurry if we’re going to play the Fun Forest before they tear it down.

The Sky Church is a 5,384 square-foot grotto-like space topped with jellyfish sculptures that gently undulate 65 feet overhead and backed with a 42 by 70 foot LED video wall. It’s a rock music venue with a 75,000 watt sound system in a ginormous, ultramodern Frank Gehry-designed complex dedicated to rock music. It holds 3,000 people. We argued with them. It simply couldn’t be true. It’s true, they insisted. There had to be more than that. Nope, they responded, ya got six. Well, can we bring our little board and slave a couple channels? No! We don’t want to do anything weird with our board. (WTF????)

We still didn’t believe it but what could we do? We made our plans accordingly: Drag two large amps along and hope they can move enough sound to fill the space.

Here are some pictures from the event:

And a video:

Oh, of course there were WAY more than six channels. Sheesh.

Thursday Joke of the Week

Bob

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Bob, who was about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery: Bob had the largest penis he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Bob,” the mortician said, “I can’t allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity.”

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

“I have something to show you that you will not believe,” he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

“My God!” the wife exclaimed, horrified…

“Bob’s dead!”

In These Shoes?

In these shoes? I don’t think so.

Another video from our show at the Laughing Ladies Cafe, June 12 2010.

Let’s do it.

Up to my neck

We played at Laughing Ladies Cafe Saturday night for a global audience of about twelve people. It’s the kind of thing that happens when summer falls on a weekend here. No one wants to come inside. They’re hypnotized by that mysterious glowing orb in the sky. What IS that thing?!?

I’ll share a few songs from the show if I can get my vision back after all that glare. Here’s the first: a newish one for us about the particular pleasures two people can share in a large tub of hot water.

Hot Water
by Eva Moon

Had an awful week. Roof sprung a leak
I’m a wreck, but what the heck
Fill the tub up to my neck…
Last penny’s spent. Can’t pay the rent
We got woes, that’s how it goes
Up to my nose, wiggle my toes… In hot water
I may be wasting time. A bath won’t fix my troubles
But how can I be blue when I’m up to here in bubbles?

Honey, lose that tie. Let your worries fly
Join the club, jump in the tub
Make time for some rub-a-dub-dub…
I’m slick as sin. Baby, slide on in
Take me away. Make my day.
We made waves when we play… In hot water
If water was champagne and I a strawberry
Would you dive down to the bottom and have a taste of me

If I ruled the world we’d all bathe day and night
Might not get much done but there’d be no wars to fight

Life is out of whack, face the facts, might as well just relax
So fine, when we recline. I’ll scrub your back, you scrub mine
What luck, got a rubber duck. Splish splash, we gotta… (Hot water!)
Think we oughta… (hot water!) Need a lotta… Hot water… now!

Thursday Joke of the Week

The Amazing Machine

A couple went to the hospital to have their first baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor explained that the hospital was testing a revolutionary new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labor pain to the baby’s father.  He asked if they were interested.  Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.  The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.  The husband continued to feel quite well.  Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none.  She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found their mailman dead on the porch.