L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Time Flies When You’re Having Rum

July 3, 2010 on 4:02 pm | Join the conversation. You know you want to. | In Food, General Musing, Travel

Here it is the last day already. Where has a week in paradise fled? Into a tall frosted glass.

One of the many lovely attractions on Maui is the Seven Sacred Pools. It’s a long drive though and many miss it. But no tourist would miss the Seven Sacred Cocktails.

1. Mai tai, Lahaina Inn. I couldn’t recall the name of the bar so we stopped a group of locals in Kihei to see if they might know it from the description: an open air tavern facing the beach, lots of wood, ceiling fans and old whaling paraphernalia: harpoons on the wall and a ship’s prow figurehead over the bar. “Lahaina?” moaned one. “Isn’t that somewhere in Southeast Asia?” Lahaina is maybe 35 minutes drive up the coast, but it might as well have been another continent. When people settle in Hawaii, they settle. Like limpets. I wish we’d settled somewhere else for happy hour, despite promising appearances. The mai tai here looks like there’s a nice float of rum on the top, but it’s an illusion. A bottle of rum may have been somewhere in the vicinity but a sad amount of the glass was devoted to fruit juice. A wedge of pineapple is always welcome though.
2. This is a Kona Coconut Ale. I consumed this glass of this fine icy brew at the bar at the Kumu Bar and Grill in the Wailea Marriott. It was just after sunset and the sky was still painted with extravagant strokes of salmon and aqua. I’ve looked in vain for this particular ale in other establishments. It would be a crime against drinking humanity if Kumu has exclusive access to it. We get Kona brews in Seattle, but I’ve never seen this one. I will be on the hunt now, though.
3. Longhi’s, Wailea. This is a small miracle called a Lycheeto: Cruzan citrus rum, fresh mint leaves, fresh lime, soho lychee & club soda. Longhi’s turned out to be a destination all its own. Glen, our conspiratorial waiter who bears an uncanny resemblance Peter Lorre in Casa Blanca turned out to be an excellent tour guide through the bibulous backroads of booze by the beach. More from Glen in a moment. But savor the noble lychee for a moment. Mmmmmmm…
4. A Pina Colada at Mambo’s in Paia. (Don’t be distracted by the margarita lurking in the shadows.) How better to reward onesself for making the strenuous drive to Hana and back than with a little refreshment in laid-back, tie-died Paia. Well, I suppose there’s the herbal refreshment the island is known for, but we settled down with the fruity varieties. I can only tolerate about one pina colada a year. They’re a little too rich for my taste. But the thick and frosty pint somehow evaporated from the glass as if by magic. I give it a high rating on the fruit meter, but neither it nor it’s companion, the lovely margarita there, were excessively long on spirits.
5. Back at Longhi’s, the capable hands of Glen delivered unto us the Acai Yuzo Sour Mojito: Absolute Berry Acai vodka, yuzu sour, fresh squeezed orange juice, basil leaves, cranberry juice & club soda. Lovely. Really. You’ll have to ask Glen to bring you the secret book of cocktails. It’s not on the main menu. Tell him Eva sent you.
6. Happy hour at 5 Palms, Kihei. Or is it Wailea. I’m losing track. This is a Mango Margarita and my advice is: don’t. Just don’t. Speaking as a native Southern California girl, margaritas are sacred. They contain certain magical properties and one simply should not tamper with the spell. The spell does not include mango. Or a maraschino cherry. The spell DOES include tequila, which this glass, frosty and tempting as it may look, is innocent of. And frankly, I will tolerate logos on beer glasses, but a cocktail should be served in plain, clean glass. Am I right?
7. Behold the seventh sacred cocktail and the one that will remain, shining, in my memory long after the last of the sand has been shaken out of the swimsuits: The Garden Terrace Fuck Me Mai Tai at Longhi’s. It’s an “exotic blend of Ten Cane Rum, Cruzan Citrus Rum, Malibue Rum, tropical juices with a float of Myers Rum and is the grail of tropical drinks. THIS is what a Hawaiian vacation should be. FOUR kinds of rum in one glass. Heaven!