L U N A T A L K with Eva Moon

Secret NSFW Spot

All the recent controversy about the existence or non-existence of the G-spot might naturally lead people to want to put their finger on it once and for all. Now you can. Sort of.

This G-point mouse has a secret spot inside that, when pressed, will take you to your favorite place. On the internet.

I started to wonder what other kinds of anatomically analogous input devices one could devise. Perhaps even one aimed at the female market. I found this, but somehow I think it’s still one for the guys:

Make your own!

I’m still wondering who the G-point mouse is marketed to? The presumption is, straight men. But they’ll never find the secret spot.

See more like that one:

• Vajazzle Me
• National Wax
• Zombie Orgasms
• Keep it Sizzlin'
• Computer Term or Bad Sex?

How the Web Saved the Day

What did we ever do without the Interwebs? A promise of fine autumn weather and a very rare unprogrammed Sunday drew us out of the bat cave. We settled on a drive to Mount Rainier National Park and a hike along the Naches Peak Loop Trail - about four miles of surprisingly level walking with spectacular views of the mountain. However, a quick web check for Washington State travel alerts turned up a mudslide which had just buried SR 410 - DOT en route! - just 10 miles from the park. A disappointment to be sure, but nothing compared to the inconvenience of driving eighty miles first. (To say nothing of the inconvenience to the people whose homes were destroyed by the mud slide.)

Back to the web to draw on the collective wisdom of Facebook. Lot’s of great suggestions within minutes. We settled on the Washington Arboretum. A place not 20 minutes drive from home that we NEVER go to. (Well once. Twelve years ago. We drive through it on occasion on the way to Nishino - the best sushi.) A few clicks later we had an arboretum trail map in our hands and off we went.

Was the arboretum a satisfactory substitute for the majesty of Rainier? Well, no, but it definitely wasn’t a wasted day. I don’t have time to write twelve thousand words. The sun is still shining.

See more like that one:

• The Horse Summoner
• Live and Let Hive?
• It's not the heat...
• Neither snow nor...
• Hand me that Dutchman

Lucky Numbers

Here’s an odd story out of Bulgaria.

SOFIA (Reuters) - The draw of the same six winning numbers twice in a row in Bulgaria’s national lottery was a freak coincidence, officials said Thursday.

Sports Minister Svilen Neikov ordered an investigation after the numbers 4, 15, 23, 24, 35 and 42 were selected, in a different order, by a machine live on television on September 6 and 10. The results caused suspicions of manipulation.

An investigation found no wrongdoing in the draw or determining the winners, its chairman Konstantin Simeonov said.

That’s odd enough, but here’s the really odd part:

An unprecedented 18 people guessed all six numbers when they were drawn the second time and each got 10,164 levs ($7,700). Nobody won the top prize the first time.

Assuming Mr. Simeonov is telling the truth, one can only assume that there’s a small population in Bulgaria who routinely purchase a ticket for the previous day’s numbers.

I want to think that those 18 are professional mathematicians who know that those six numbers are as likely to come up as any other six. I know of one mathematician who routinely buys a lottery ticket with the numbers 1 2 3 4 5 and 6 just for the opportunity of giving probability lessons to skeptical gas station clerks.

But I doubt it.

An interesting thought is that there may be other sets of numbers that are popular, but the only way you’d find out is when those numbers are drawn. I’m sure no one suspected the popularity of the previous day’s winners.

But it would be interesting to know what those sets are, since avoiding them reduces the odds of having to share your winnings.

See more like that one:

• The David Carradine Playlist
• Pigs on a Plane
• Fugitive Pubes
• Surviving the Recession Through Denial
• Tips n' Tricks, Mr. Obama

CD-O-Matic

Anyone can create an awesome CD with a few simple steps. This comes from a friend on Facebook:

1. Go to “wikipedia.” Hit “random” or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random. The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2. Go to “Random quotations” or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3. Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days” or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4. Use photoshop or similar to put it all together. (if you don’t have it, here’s an online photo editor: pixlr.com)

Voila! Your new CD!

Here’s mine:

That was so easy. Why did I waste two whole years on my last CD?

Oh wait… the music…

(photo credit: _Beat_)

See more like that one:

• The Bonehead of the Opera
• Sibling Revelry
• Mixed Reality Music
• No one will ever know
• Ten Reasons Why You Should Give My CD

Tip of the Old Derby

A cyclist went down. In the 69 years that the Redmond Criterium has been running (and boy are their legs tired!), I don’t know how much biker skin has become incorporated into the pavement of downtown Redmond, but I imagine it’s enough to make a whole new biker.

The nation’s longest running bicycle race played out Saturday under a brilliant sun, surrounded the usual cheerful, small-town festivities. As an arts commissioner, I get to walk in our goofy little parade handing out fliers for the Redmond Summer Arts in the Parks series. (“Arts in the parks! Free concerts in the parks! Arts in the parks! Free concerts! Arts in the parks!” ) My friend and fellow commish, Latha Sambamurthi dresses me up for the parade each year and it’s a chance to feel like a Bollywood movie star for a few hours. I love it.

The festival booths run to chiropractic spinal exams, Kiwanis and dairies, the food runs to bricks of curly fries the size of the mayor, and the music runs to 60s-70s-80s covers, but there were two beer gardens and any day that ends with fireworks has something going for it.

It’s good to be reminded that fun can be had without wi-fi.

BTW, the biker who fell was seen walking about the festival later, apparently unconcerned that he was missing about a quarter acre of skin.

See more like that one:

• Play Freebird!
• Deploring the Rings
• Showtime!

Parking Fail

Our local movie theater has an overflow parking area. It’s just a dirt and gravel lot with no markings, but it’s often the closest spot to the doors and it’s often raining, so we park there.

Today, after the movie we were confronted with this:

WTF?

An entire row of cars was completely blocked in. What were these people thinking?

While other trapped car owners swore and stomped about and fumed and called the police, we quietly retreated to a nearby Mexican restaurant for some beers and a good long head shake.

See more like that one:

• National Wax
• Tap...tap...tap... is this thing on?
• Lying Eyes
• Zombiespeak: A Linguistic Analysis
• Freedom!

The David Carradine Playlist

This is very likely my most tasteless blog post ever, but I can’t help myself. I grew up on David Carradine in Kung Fu. I cringed every time he picked up that red hot pot in his arms. It’s truly a tragedy to end on such an undignified note. But it’s like the old joke a friend shared with me:

A old man is talking to his son on his deathbed and he says, “Rick built hundreds of buildings, so they call him Rick the Builder, and Leonard painted hundreds of houses, so now they call him Lennie the Painter. But you suck one cock…”

So for you, David Carradine, to sing into the next world, I’ve put together the most tasteless iTunes playlist.

• Kung Fu by Frank Zappa
• Hanging by a Thread by Nickel Creek
• Take My Breath Away by Berlin
• Grasshopper by JJ Cale
• Hang On to Yourself by David Bowie
• Hung Up by Madonna
• Lose My Breath by Destiny’s Child
• Rope Burn by Janet Jackson
• Fun With Ropes by the Go-Go’s
• Slip Knot by Woodie Guthrie
• Protect Ya Neck by Wu-Tang Clan
• Ties That Bind by Carole King
• The Stroke by Billy Squier
• Blest Be the Tie That Binds by The London Philharmonic Choir

Any others?

See more like that one:

• Lucky Numbers
• Pigs on a Plane
• Fugitive Pubes
• Surviving the Recession Through Denial
• Tips n' Tricks, Mr. Obama

Chocolate Radio

Through a series of unlikely coincidences, my song “Tango de Cacao” is going to be featured on KOPN 89.5 FM radio in Columbia, Missouri at 7 pm Central Time, Thursday May 28. It’s a show of songs by women about food. I don’t know any more than that. Listen live here: http://www.kopn.org/listen

Here are the lyrics:

Tango de Cacao Buy the MP3
© Eva Moon

When first I saw you in the window
You caught my eye and called me in
Was it fate that drew me to you
Into this candy story of sin?

Beneath your surface smooth and dark
Lies the promise of delight
I know to have you is my doom
But even so I’m yours tonight

I give in there is no cure
I can’t resist your sweet allure
Without you I’m incomplete
Though our love is bittersweet

Let the longing fill my cup
I drink to you in steaming sips
You are my sweet forbidden love
Your candy kisses stain my lips

You are my favorite obsession
I think about you day and night
You are the singular expression
Of my helpless indiscretion
It’s a force I cannot fight

I give in, there is not cure…

Oh, waiter. Yes, you. Would you please bring me the chocolate decadence cake? And I don’t need a fork…

Let them point at us and stare
As I revel in disgrace
Let them laugh, I don’t care
I only want another taste!

I give in there is no cure…

See more like that one:

• The Cookies of Atonement
• The Bonehead of the Opera
• Sibling Revelry
• Mixed Reality Music
• No one will ever know

Pigs on a Plane

A horror thriller movie for today. Be part of the swine flu hysteria.

See more like that one:

• Lucky Numbers
• The David Carradine Playlist
• Fugitive Pubes
• Surviving the Recession Through Denial
• Tips n' Tricks, Mr. Obama

Fugitive Pubes

The government apparently doesn’t think we have the wits to be allowed free access to our own genitalia. In New Jersey, the State Board of Cosmetology is moving toward a ban on Brazilian waxing. They may have a point about the general state of American wits, but this is an intrusion into forbidden territory. Our law system is already a tangled jungle of overregulation. We need to rip away some of it - not add more. How are they going to enforce this law? Stiff fines, presumably. Rise up against this outrageous penetration into our rights!

They can have my wax when they pull it from my cold, dead crotch.

See more like that one:

• Lucky Numbers
• The David Carradine Playlist
• Pigs on a Plane
• Surviving the Recession Through Denial
• Tips n' Tricks, Mr. Obama