April 14th, 2008

Imagine that you, an American (in this example), have uprooted yourself from your home digs and bopped off to live in some pleasant but remote backwater. It’s so remote that you haven’t heard a song in English since you arrived. One day you happen upon a small restaurant and hear familiar music wafting out onto the sidewalk. You peer inside. A waitress is plopping plates of burgers (burgers!) in front of a few patrons lounging at small tables. And just inside the door, in the corner by the window, there’s a band - also locals. But they’re playing American music! Songs you know but haven’t heard for years! But… they’re playing music you HATED back home. You not only hated it, you hated anyone who liked that music. You’d cross the street to avoid being contaminated by accidental earbud bleed from one of them.

But now… you’re far from home. It’s been years. Can you really remember why you hated those songs so much? Would you roll your eyes and walk on? Or would you waft in, grinning and singing along? And those people you hated - the ones who loved the songs you hate - would you turn away? Or would you sit down and shoot the breeze? Even if it was someone who’s favorite song was Achy Breaky Heart, I bet you’d share a drink and a chorus.

I haven’t talked much here about my other band, Balkanarama. We play hot gypsy nightclub music various places around the Seattle area but mostly (monthly) at a local Greek restaurant and mostly for immigrants from Eastern Europe. We played there Saturday night.

I didn’t have high expectations for the night. It was a drop-dead gorgeous sunny spring day here and the sun was still up when we started at 7 pm. Predictably, the restaurant was largely abandoned by hordes hungrier for a little sunlight than a little souvlaki. But things picked up as the sky grew dark and we ended up playing a full four hours.

Lots of requests. The Bulgarians had their faves and we played every one. Then a table of Albanians trouped in and we played everything on their hit list. Then the Serbs. And so on. I feel like we’ve reached some kind of landmark as a band, that people from any of those countries can come in and ask for a tune and for a whole evening we know every one. Maybe it was just luck.

But even more fascinating to me is that the Albanians were singing along on the Macedonian songs, the Serbians were requesting Bosnian songs, the Greeks were dancing to the Turkish tunes. Back home, these people are at each others’ throats - and worse - but here they are all equally adrift in foreign seas and suddenly the similarities are so much more important than the differences.

(A Serbian woman tucked forty bucks into the pocket of our sax player for playing that Bosnian song out on the floor while she danced.)

Popularity: 2% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

January 28th, 2008

I’ve been pondering for about a week how to write this without coming off like a wheezy old fart shaking her walker at these kids today.

But the game is up. I may have to accept that my old fart status became permanent the day I saw the Moldy Peaches sing Anyone Else But You. It’s from the soundtrack of the movie Juno which is the best selling soundtrack of all time. Best. Selling. Soundtrack. Of. All. Time. Check out the song (and the other six songs they have on it) and then tell me how you feel. And the movie’s been out for what? About nine minutes?

I actually do have some inkling why the song appeals so strongly to teens. My son went through a rough patch where he was convinced he was weird and wished he were normal like everyone else. I tried to explain to him that the very definition of a normal person is someone you don’t know very well. And this song, like America’s Funniest Home Videos, gives a slice of the other side of normal. It’s not just you. I can understand that.

But this song deprives me of every last precious sour grape. They’re not young and cute. They’re not well-connected. They can’t write a melody of more than two bars. They can’t even sing or play. I’m fresh out of excuses for the pitiful state of my own music career. And at the same time, I feel like I should be thrilled: Someone made it who didn’t fit the mold and quirk ruled for a day. w00t!

My consolation is the thought that someday they’ll get some guitar lessons, shampoo and a personal trainer, learn a third chord, start to write beautiful, clever, insightful songs and yet at every gig from now until they’re gray and playing the casino circuit, no one will want to hear them play anything else but Anyone Else But You.

Will someone please hand me my walker?

Popularity: 4% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

January 19th, 2008

The vox populi has opened its bloody vox and removed all doubt that the dismal state of popular music today is not a result of some cabal of evil Clear Channel suits, but is, in fact, a true reflection of their actual desires.

In the spring of 2006, some 500 populi completed a survey on their musical tastes. Dave Solder and Nina Mankin used the survey results to write music and lyrics for the Most Wanted and Most Unwanted songs.

Now I’m not saying the Most Unwanted Song is good. It’s actually dreadful. But it’s about a kazillion times more interesting than the Most Wanted Song, which has not a single memorable feature. From the opening kengee* to the four full manilows* at the coda, from the synth tom pan to the tinkly fake windchimes at the fade, it’s pure, unredeemed pap. Go ahead and have a listen. Tell me you disagree. If you can stay awake long enough to click the comment button.

I’m probably not qualified to judge the Most Unwanted Song, since I am guilty of using many of the Most Unwanted Elements: Accordion, bagpipes, flute, organ AND tuba. No wonder pop stardom has eluded me. But there is something hypnotically fascinating about it - always an unexpected surprise around the corner. Such as atonal operatic soprano rap. You know it’s wrong. But you can’t turn away.

*Kengee - The indistinguishable melody-free soprano sax solos that I believe you can purchase by the yard at Solos ‘n Things. These all-purpose tracks will instantly turn any song into elevator music. Opera? AC/DC? Doesn’t matter. Just slap this puppy on and you’re done. Going up?

*Manilow - Cheap Songwriter Trick #1: Is your song getting boring? Modulate up one full step. Why waste endless hours actually composing interesting music? Listen for these less common variations: The trickier half-manilow and occasionally, if you pay attention, a double- or even a triple-manilow or the much rarer reverse-manilow.

Popularity: 4% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

January 8th, 2008

Ready or not, callers to the City of Seattle will be treated (or subjected, depending on your point of view) to telephone on-hold music by our other band, Balkanarama. Who knows what they’ll think of it. Perhaps they’ll be swept away by a sudden urge to party all night on a Black Sea beach… If they can follow the Bulgarian lyrics to Karavana Chajka. You can hear a sample from our CD “Balkanarama Live” at http://balkanarama.com or at CD Baby.

This year at the Black Sea
The Café “Seagull” has invited us back.
“Balkanarama” plays right up till dawn,
The sea rocks the deep blue waves.
Pack your bags for the Black Sea,
Who cares if the dollar is going up?
Let’s have fun at the Black Sea,
‘Cause life is short and it flies by.

Popularity: 6% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

December 18th, 2007

Posted by Eva Moon under Music
No Comments | Permalink

Someone told me the other day that she just loves holiday music. It makes her feel all warm inside. This person has clearly never worked in retail. For those of you who have, and have reached the point where one more reprise of I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus will cause your eyes to roll up into your head so far you can watch your follicles working from the inside, I give you the one holiday song you won’t hear at the mall…

Light the Fucking Candles - MP3 audio file - free download
© 2004 Eva Moon

One holiday would be enough
To make the season really tough
We’re a fucked up family
Chanukah by the Christmas tree

Holiday insanity
Is gonna be the death of me
You don’t know how glad I’d be
If Rudolph was a Maccabee

Come on and
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
One More Time

Fry the latkes, bake the ham
Ask me if I give a damn
Santa loosen up your belt
You ate too much chocolate gelt

Come on and
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
One More Time

Let the nightmare end at last
Chanukah and Christmas past
Shove it all ‘til later
The Easter Bunny comes for seder

Come on and
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
Light the fucking candles
One More Time

Mike Gordon: Bass & backing vocals; Ferko Saxmanov: tambourine & backing vocals; Sue Niemann: drums. Special thanks to Mark Skipper of the Damien Project for providing the great lead guitar for this song and to Adam Kittle at Inversion Studio for additional guitar, engineering and mixing.

Oh, and if you’re not done shopping yet, there’s this: Get your Light the F*cking Candles Holday Mug now! Makes a great gift!

Popularity: 12% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

December 9th, 2007

I was interviewed recently for an article in the Snoqualmie Valley Reporter (a heady thrill) and the reporter asked me where my song ideas come from.

It’s not an uncommon question for any songwriter. But what is the answer? Where does creative work come from? It seems to defy the laws of science. Something new appears where nothing was before. Do the laws of thermodynamics apply? Did my last song suck a tiny bit of creative energy out of the universe somewhere else? Some might argue it’s not a closed system - crediting god or some other supernatural force for pouring the juice into us. It’s a mystery. But I didn’t get into any metaphysics with the reporter.

But what I told him was…

Imagine your brain is an enormous Costco and the shelves are stocked with everything you’ve ever experienced. There it all is - dinosaurs, baristas, RVs, Nigerian scammers. Each memory in its own spot. Now imagine the Costco has been hit by a tornado. Chaos ensues. The floor is a toxic swirl. Random, unrelated items collide. Everything is gooey with libido (it’s a well-stocked item). A call goes out to the songwriter, who arrives in hip boots with a push broom and begins the arduous task shoving the whole stinking mess down the drain.

So, songwriting is a sort of waste treatment facility.

Can you believe he didn’t use any of this in the story?

Popularity: 16% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

November 16th, 2007

What do you secretly love, even though you know it’s either a) bad for you or b) would make you the laughing stock of your friends if it got out? Here’s my A-to-Z (but hardly exhaustive) list:

A. AIRPLANE. It’s silly. It’s juvenile. It’s dated. But it’s still one of the funniest movies ever made. (”Joey, do you like movies about gladiators?”)

B. BAGELS. Back in the day bagels used to be health food. But now we know that beneath the poppy seed surface of that innocent-looking bagel lurks a virtual death blow of carbs. Would someone please pass the cream cheese?

C. CHOCOLATE. (Falls to knees) Oh God, thank you for creating the cacao bean…

D. DAMN YANKEES. As kids, my sister Donna and I watched this movie single every time it was shown on TV. We’d swing the towel and bellow “whatever Loooooola wants, Loooooola gets…”

E. EARTHQUAKES. I know it’s not politically correct. But isn’t there a thrill when you realize the room is shaking? Will it be The Big One? When will it end? And after: the phone calls, the gleefully macabre TV reportage, the freedom to ignore the petty details of normal life for awhile and wallow in storytelling…

F. FRENCH TOAST. Who doesn’t love bread? It’s the ultimate comfort food. And then you FRY it. And cap it with sugary toppings. Mmmmmm

G. GETTING RID OF SHIT. Every now and then doesn’t your stuff just starts to weigh you down? Piling junk into the back of the Honda and driving it to Goodwill is not really something to feel guilty over - after all, it’s a good deed, right? But for me, the good deed part is immaterial. It’s the sweet rush of getting shit the fuck out of my house.

H. HEDONISM. To hell with hard work, delayed gratification and self-denial. Hedonism pays off now.

I. THE IKEA CATALOGUE. Once a year that thick catalogue arrives on the doorstep bringing sunny visions of breezy living rooms, cozy bedrooms, sleek organized kitchens, airy uncluttered home offices (ha!). Hours of house porn.

J. JIGSAW PUZZLES. I have to be very careful to limit indulgence to holidays and vacations or the loss of income would force my children to drop out of college and pursue lives of crime.

K. KITTEN PICTURES. The kind so plentiful on one of my guilty pleasure websites - along with puppies. I can’t believe I’m outing myself on this one - it’s shameful, but here it is.

L. LUST. But you knew that.

M. MUSICALS. And the more turgidly overblown the better. Give me Phantom of the Opera. Give me Les Miserables. I even paid actual money to see the short-lived Dracula The Musical in NYC and Lord of the Rings The Musical in London. They’re awful and I love them.

N. NACHO CHEESE DORITOS. The only viable strategy is never to buy them. Then no one will have to live with the horror of finding my bloated, orange-powdered body amid the crumbs on the kitchen floor.

O. OVERHEARD IN NEW YORK. Click at your own risk. It will suck you in and smack its lips over your day without the least qualm. A snarker’s heaven.

P. PANTIES. You won’t find granny pants in my drawer. I’ve got a passion for Victoria’s. More than one ass really needs for uninterrupted coverage, but they’re so much fun.

Q. Online QUIZZES. Want to know your gangsta name? (Supa Gatmasta) What panties fit your personality? (Thong, of course) What Beer you are? (Corona Extra). This is educational!

R. Spending the whole day in my fuzzy ROBE then dashing upstairs to throw on jeans as the sun goes down so my husband won’t know.

S. STUFFING. Thanksgiving is almost here and the thing I’m most thankful for is stuffing. Forget the turkey. Forgo the cranberries. Fuck the pumpkin pie. Give me another serving of savory, bready stuuuuffffffinggggg. Oh my.

T. TUB SOAKS. Bathing itself is nothing to feel guilty over, cleanliness=godliness and all that. But getting clean has absolutely nothing to do with the joy of squirting oil into a tubful of hot water and slipping into a steamy dreamlike trance that can stretch on for hours. Add a glass of wine and a trashy novel and I’m gone.

U. THE UPS GUY. He’s got a nice package…

V. Anne Rice’s VAMPIRE BOOKS. They’re horrible, overwritten, overblown, sexless word porn. I hate them. I do. So why do I keep reading them? I don’t know! It’s like there’s an evil force beyond my control…

W. WORKING AT HOME which allows me to get away with all my other guilty pleasures. (If my clients are reading this I’m in such trouble.)

X. X-RATED MOVIES. You knew I’d get to this. I know you were waiting for it. Oh yeah baby. (Not that I really actually admit to watching porn… but a good source is http://www.adultdvdmarketplace.com. Retail is for losers.)

Y. YOUTUBE. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. There goes your day.

Z. THE ZOMBIE CHANT. This one is courtesy of my son, Mr. Zombie. I don’t know why but it just cracks me up:

What do we want? Brains!!!
When do we want them? Brains!!!

Your turn. What are your guilty pleasures. Come on. Fess up.

Popularity: 8% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

November 14th, 2007

Ah, Bollywood!

I first fell in love with Indian movies when I stumbled across one on the International Channel one lazy Saturday afternoon. It was in Hindi with no subtitles but it turned out that would not be a particular impediment to following the movie. In one scene the young hero is struck with a sudden, excruciating headache. “Brain tumor,” I hooted at the TV. A scene later he’s in the doctor’s office and the doctor solemnly intones “Bren toomoreh.” Score!

It’s a musical. They’re ALL musicals. Even the ones about suicide bombers have extravagant song and dance numbers atop moving trains.

You don’t need to know the language to enjoy them, but it invites all kinds of speculation - as in this hilariously subtitled video:

Benny Lava, I don’t care who put the goat in there. I love you!

Who knew that, in a twist of fate, we’d find ourselves playing these songs? For cheering crowds?

But that’s how things go in the movies. Latha Sambamurti, fellow Redmond Arts Commissioner and accomplished singer in Hindi, Tamil and other languages of India, has somehow charmed us into yet a third band. Here’s a clip from last weekend’s big Diwali festival in Seattle:

I’m looking for a song to sing myself - and thought I’d found one. But Latha quickly disabused me of the idea. “It’s in Tamil,” she shook her head solemnly, “Too difficult.” She demonstrated the three supposedly different “n” sounds. “Na. Na. Na.” They are absolutely indistinguishable, but she insists they are completely distinct. “You could say the word ‘make’ but it would come out as ‘pig’”, she insisted, “People will laugh.”

I suspect her of wanting to hog the Tamil songs for herself.

Popularity: 11% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

September 25th, 2007

My name is Eva and I’m an Internet addict.

I didn’t realize how bad it was until we had that big storm last winter. We lost power for six days. It was hell. We had to communicate by talking. There was nothing more entertaining to do than chip ice off the cats.

I did learn some interesting things though. My children were grown up. My husband has a beard!

Still, I was desperate to get back online. There was a whole world out there sharing YouTube videos of banned Swedish condom commercials and I was stuck in the dark trying to cook burgers with armpit heat.

I’m addicted. I can’t deny it. When I get up in the morning and go to my computer and there are 649 new messages, for one brief moment I feel… popular.

And it’s proof there’s kindness in the world. All these total strangers care about me! They want to help me get rich, lose weight, meet girls, enlarge my penis. It’s so very touching. It makes me want to give something back. And hey, there’s this guy in Nigeria who needs my help…

I know you think it’s a scam, but you’re wrong. I just received my first installment:

Cash from Nigeria

OK, so it’s worth four cents. Still, don’t you think it’s a sign of good faith? I’m heading to the mall!

Popularity: 7% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.

August 28th, 2007

We had a great show at Egan’s Ballard Jam House last Saturday. Dashed in breathless and nearly late from playing Latin fusion at an Indian Independence Day festival (of all things!). The Jam House is one of my favorite places to play. The sound, the lights, the food and drink - it all comes together in a sweet, intimate setting. Well, except for the sirens that seem to go by outside the windows about every twelve minutes. I could do without that part. But hey. We found ourselves a film student to run the camera: Ashley Russell, a wee elf in a blue hoodie who managed to squeeze two and a half hours of video out of two hours of batteries.

Out of that, here’s the Cliff Notes version of the show. You can download the 18MB full-res QT video, or watch the YouTube version right now here:

Popularity: 10% [?]


Leave a comment | Visit Eva Moon's main website.
Next Page »
  • Subscribe

    AddThis Feed Button
  • Bookmark/Share

    AddThis Social Bookmark Button
  •