Wry-Fi

“Wry-Fi” is Internet code for songs with a twist of sardonic, side-splitting social commentary. The style combines equal parts suburban angst, dot.com blues, digirati geekspeak, and cafe barrista banter. Read more or scroll down for the songs.

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Cash from Nigeria
© Eva Moon, arr. Tym Parsons, hip-hop tracks, Josiah Blount

Cash from Nigeria - mp3

I was broke. Ya know I had no dough
But an email saved my soul
Man says he’s got 40 mil
Needs my help, if I will
Wants to use my U.S. clout
To help him get the money out
If I consent to represent
I get 25 percent.

Cash cash cash from Nigeria
Cash cash cash from Nigeria
I’m gonna be a millionairia
With the cash from Nigeria!

I hear what you’re thinking, honey,
What’s she gonna do with all that money?

I’ll copy any DVD
Descramble my digital cable TV
Be my own boss. Get out of debt
That online casino will get my bet
Lose 30 pounds in 30 days
Get down with that hormone craze
Stock advice that wins awards
Iraq’s most wanted playing cards
My libido will increase
With herbal secrets from the east
And I’ll get me a bona fide
Russian mail order bride

Cash cash cash from Nigeria…

Don’t need to use my imagination
Gotta inbox full of inspiration

Prozac! Xanax! Vicodin!
Viagra! Zoloft! Phentermine!
I guarantee a shopping spree
At the online pharmacy
Learn anything ‘bout anyone
Get a credit report just for fun
A PHD from QVC
HGH for my friends 'n me
Been approved for a new home loan
And low, low rates on a new cell phone
Buy a load of ink jet toner
And add five inches to my… what???

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Chat Room Romeo
© Eva Moon

He is alone, now is his chance
Hopes for a night of online romance
Time to log on, check out the scene
Watch conversation scroll up the screen

Chorus:
Chat Room Romeo, he is obsessed
Internet overload Web SOS

His lucky night on the machine
She is a model; only sixteen
He says he’s rich like Howard Hughes
Drives a new Porsche, looks like Tom Cruise

Chat Room Romeo...

Ask for a photo send the address
She sounds so hot will she say yes?
It’s on its way she mails back
Download the file… Virus Attack!

Chat Room Romeo...

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Driving to Lynnwood
© Eva Moon

I was staring at the screen when the icons disappeared
I tried to save my file but it was just as I had feared
My computer wouldn’t run and my work was not backed up
I sadly pulled the plug and got it all packed up

Driving down to Lynnwood, my computer at my side
It’s sunny down in Lynnwood and I hope the disk ain’t fried
The computer tech is cute and has a crown of golden hair
And his warm blue eyes are filled with care...
And I know… it’s gonna be alright

Five days later, he greets me with a grin
Your ram chip died, but we put a new one in
I drove home and plugged it in with a hopeful heart
The screen went blue. The cursor stuck. The system wouldn’t start

Driving down to Lynnwood, my computer in the back
Clouds are rolling in and my mood is turning black
The young tech runs a skinny hand through his tousled hair
As he meets my eyes with a cool blue stare...
And I hope... it’s gonna be alright

Three days later, the guy in Lynnwood called
The system was corrupt, but now it’s reinstalled
I drove home and turned it on and said a silent prayer
The motor groaned. The menus froze. The keyboard wasn’t there

Driving down to Lynnwood, my computer in the trunk
Cold rain slicks the highway and I fear the drive’s defunct
I think that tech is growing horns, they poke through lanky hair
And I know as I see his icy glare...
It ain’t... gonna be alright

I don’t know how I thought that tech was something I desired
His filthy hair and steely eyes should really get him fired
I couldn’t go another round or face a minute more
I picked up my hammer and headed for the door...

It’s snowing down in Lynnwood but I’m feeling so much better
I don’t have a computer so I’ll send this in a letter
I may be spending all my days in this cold prison cell
But that blue-eyed tech surely burns in Hell...
And ya know... that’s alright.

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Strategic Fit
© Eva Moon

I want a man who’s a market leader
Oozing assurance and dripping wit
I want a man with a balanced scorecard
Who wants to achieve a strategic fit

Supply my demand, I’ll deliver the goods
Meet in the middle and let it begin
Don’t even think of a hostile takeover
Let’s try a merger that’s win/win

You’re my target market
You’re driving the traffic
You’re my focus group
You’re my prime demographic

I want a man who’s on the same page
Willing to do some R&D
He’s not afraid to think outside the box
Not the type to go for plan B

I want substantial return on investment
I want a man who knows the right niche
Ready to sign a long term agreement
Won’t even think of the bait and switch

Looking to make a new acquisition
I’ve got an eye on the competition
Looking to maximize penetration
This is my value proposition

You’re my target market...

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The Under Construction Blues
© Eva Moon

My website’s a disaster, total disrepair
Images are missing and the links they go nowhere

Chorus:
I got the blues
Bad website news
My site’s a snooze
I got the under construction blues

Searched high and low on Google. My site was ignored
I typed in the URL and I got 404’ed

I got the blues...

Analyzed my stats. The numbers they were low
Visitors keep trying but the site comes up too slow

I got the blues...

My icons are flashing. Can’t read the words
Applets are crashing and the background’s for the birds

I got the blues...

Called TroutDream Graphics and made a new plan
Business is rolling in. Success is in the can

No more blues
Get rave reviews
I can’t lose
No more under construction blues

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The Underwater Stock Option Blues
© Eva Moon

I went to bed you were still at work last night
When I woke up you were still movin’ bits and bytes
Can only mean you work for Microsoft, that’s right

We were glad to move to Washington
Just a few years work and we’d be done
No more worries about kids’ college funds

We thought that we had made it. We thought that we were rich
Little did we know there’d be a little hitch
When the DOJ goes ahead and sues
It leaves us with the underwater stock option blues

We bought a big ol’ house and toys galore
Sailed our brand new yacht along the shore
Life’s good when you can always borrow more

Once we drove our hummer to the mall
But now our backs are up against the wall
‘Cause we lost everything to margin calls

We thought that we had made it. We thought that we were rich
Little did we know there’d be a little hitch
When the prosecutor is puttin’ on the screws
It leaves us with the underwater stock option blues

My baby’s out all night but not on dates
He’s gone all day while I just sit and wait
It ain’t another woman. I know that it’s Bill Gates

Now that you have heard my tale of woe
There’s better ways for raking in the dough
The guys at Enron knew the way to go

We thought that we had made it. We thought that we were rich
Little did we know there’d be a little hitch
When Gates can’t testify there’s really no excuse
He left us with the underwater stock option blues

We almost had the money. We nearly scratched the itch
But in the end we found that life can be a bitch
When the bosses play the game you know who’s gonna lose
And end up with the underwater stock option blues

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UPS Guy
© Eva Moon

It started in a simple way
An auction item on e-bay
Then I saw the man in brown
Park his truck and come on down

That's the day that was the start
He drove his truck into my heart
I hear the bell and I confess
I hope it's the man from UPS

I don't want priority mail
Fedex has gone stale
Don't give me Airborne Express
I want the guy from UPS

I was sure that I could stop
I don't even like to shop
But shopping is my guarantee
That he will come back to me

On the day he rang my bell
Did he know he cast a spell?
I can hardly wait to see
The package he has brought for me

I didn't mean for this to happen
Please try and understand
I couldn't help myself
I took his stylus in my hand
My heart was pounding
I went weak in the knees
When he looked into my eyes
And said, "Sign here, please."

Now I shop on Amazon
And browse all day on buy dot com
I'm on Yahoo! in excess
To see the guy from UPS

I don't want priority mail...

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